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C.B., A.J., ETC

May 16, 2018

No one knows but it’s assumed I’m wrong,

With no negotiations, it’s prolonged.

With no word of support to the hopeless,

These days are troublesome to some,

Or at least few. We’re all helpful,

These days, reputations change.

We aid the injured, the mentally disturbed,

Tomorrow, all will be again the norm.

We’ll turn the other cheek,

We’ll worry for our own concerns.

 

We sit and await the depart,

It’s all out of our hands in any case.

They lied: it’s all for the better,

For the best. Some expect, I know.

Hearing the wrong words, being right,

I remember: we were in town, together.

You chose to not see my face,

And, you know why it’s blighted.

 

Slighted, all they know is falsehoods,

The others are off, on strike. These few remain.

The engine starts up. We ready ourselves,

The take off is always hard on the weak.

A sudden loss of air pressure brings

Blocked ears and cleared sinuses.

Everyone comes close, but not enough,

The road seems far, but we’re nearing home.

And maybe one day our paths will meet,

And I will remember your voice as deeper.

 

Your song …. you sing it to me, for me,

Your dark hair, your fringe, in disarray.

Why so unkempt? What are your troubles?

Only one: I make contact, all the while knowing.

You use. You abuse. You offer nothing,

Nothing in return. I was here for you.

I still am, but you’re gone,

I wanted more. You wanted little.

 

O, my precious one. Say you’ll return,

One day, any day. Talk of love.

You’re never moving, as I’d say of another,

You’re here. See me. I’m begging.

Death is on the cards. Death, and worry,

I can’t continue in this present state.

Alone, longing for only you,

You torment – you know this well.

 

This train moves slow. One stop down,

I count them down. Once, I dreamt.

I dreamt of driving such trains. Alas –

I was led astray. The advice was poor.

Advice from a short term love,

Short term for she disappeared.

See you tonight’ …. she never showed,

At least she wasn’t after my fortune.

 

She came to me, like in a dream,

She was always wrong …. we tarried.

Out. I got out, by chance,

By miracle. My freedom earnt.

Through months of struggle ….

Emancipation. But not quite, not yet.

We needed to pass one final phase,

A phase errant, of your choosing.

 

The weeks went by. I tortured,

I rather enjoyed these death throes, it’s true.

I knew you suffered. I made you suffer,

But I had suffered: you made me suffer.

Jealousy, inane predictions, etc,

Knowing that you ended in tears pleases me.

Your long time spent alone. I smiled,

I was cruel, and I smile.

 

Well there are weeks when I’m not concerned,

And I remember when I took a chance.

One final chance to get through,

Through it all alive. It seems near.

Then all will be freer,

Not quite freedom, it’s true.

I’m pushing towards the end,

Without great success.

 

I loathe this place of men and thieves,

Of mice and men. It’s never any easier.

A cold rain dries upon me,

The ‘rebel’. You’re no rebel.

I say this as I shoot up to overdose,

I read erotic, exotic words.

A criminal writer, writing to excess,

To pass his longest, hardest days.

 

No one gives me a clear response,

So I go to the source, dangerously.

The imbeciles enter. It’s all a farce,

The tragedy hits with suicide, my own.

What I requested was not granted,

He’ll feel the guilt of his refusal.

He’ll return a better man,

No more bitterness, only calm.

 

We pay the conglomerations,

We know not where else to turn.

The dates are passed. It remains the same,

An endless fallacy:

Why can no one respond?

I need this answer. I need to be free.

I repeat the word, desperate for the word,

I recall past times. It wasn’t better.

 

The ease has left me wounded,

They stand around. All day, they stand.

They pass long days, without any ideals,

Without any dreams. How do they live ….

These cretins. In a dead end town,

It’s dead here. Bring forth peace.

Laughing at idiot acts,

Acting out, for the days are hard.

We suffer them poorly. I await a date,

It may well be off, by a day or two.

A day or two (!)’ …. weeks!

I can’t live out this dream,

Hoping that it’s all imagined.

Knowing I’m in a true state,

The knowing. The knowledge. The recognition.

They’ll spend their lives here,

Soon, I’ll be out.

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