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May 16, 2018

One makes them smile,

And thus with a smile you refuse.

I no longer feel I’m who I am,

And she no longer calls.

Yet she freed me from riff-raff,

. his one hand tapping.


Quite some time ago she left,

She stood and said ‘no more’.

And I’m in no particular rush,

Baseball capped couple.

He said early. I said fine,

So I arose all haughty.

All ready to see failures befall

The mighty. The fighters

For the helpless, the hopeless,

And alone I stood.

Crossing corrugated iron steps,

To stand within a hall.

I call. She comes,

But it’s he I’ll see.


And with my left hand

I steady myself.

I await, patient,

No more thorns in my side.

No more concerns,

I’m here. Hopeless, true.

They fight for me, you see,

My kin and me.


Medication lines the desk,

And we’re not quite in doctor’s office.

Not quite yet. The ringing ….

It’s incessant. I’m incoherent.

Crying, I’m incoherent,

A wait is no problem.


For two hours we sit and stare,

Cafés are all around.

But we sit. Sterile environments,

Not a song to be heard.

No pictures hanging,

Enter, with no hello.

Yes: I’ve found a way,

I bury myself, in myself.

I appear small, in stature and all,

I hope to appear invisible.

And hence to not appear at all,

I appear in childhood nightmares.


I tried to be in the right,

Twice I was rejected, cruelly.

Seeing a true love at half way,

I passed her by, alas.

They say to call,

I’m unable. I whimper.

Cowardice: yes. This is me,

Make a stand …. I can’t.


I protest nothing,

There’s nothing to gain.

To be gained,

She smells, charmingly, of cigarettes.

With white shoes, a horror,

She said hello. My other friend, no.


They all cry of worries,

Minor worries, true.

Groan, groan. He struggles on, up,

A short flight of stairs.

A lift can carry us. A lift between,

But no. He struggles on, up.

He’s aged. White haired,

He offers no alternatives.

In his absence, we’re alone,

Ah! She tires of waiting, my belle.

But, she waits all the same! A farce,

We threw out the baby and kept the water.

The bath is now calm, with a wet bottom,

Bottom centre. Repeat nothing of this.


The secrets of a doctor’s secretary,

She knows all that’s confidential.

She repeats it all round, in bars,

She holds centre stage. She’s drunk.

This is nightly. She compensates

For an impaired appearance.

Yes. She isn’t much on the eye –

She’s a mess. Overweight, ugly.

She’s a dream girl,

We take her home with a word.

A single word. She laughs all the way,

The poor girl, but her job ….

It’s all hers,

It represents her well.

It keeps her at peace,

She knows every secret.

Every referral,

Gynaecologist, etcetera.


An old woman, lost her mind,

The mind is fickle and weak.

Hence, psychiatry,

The secrets of the secretary.

Right wing newspaper,

Right bank of the river.

Songs of those now dead,

Cause of death: suicide.


I sit on stairs, still,

This is my forever state.

A union at war,

I’ll at least see the film.

One way, two way lever,

There’s but one way out of this war.

A sacrifice, for the thousands,

Negotiation, discussion, on end.


An insincere salutation,

Give me the ring! Sincerity.

Only of the richest kind:

The poor don’t marry.

Wedding ceremonies, the absurd,

All in white, indeed.

And this represents what?

I’ll be in black, midnight black.

I’ve lost my personality,

Psychiatric drugs ….


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