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October 10, 2018

It’s all clear at night,

In the morning it’s gone,

I’m tranquillised and calm,

The sedative doesn’t wear off,

I’m never on edge or afraid,

But I walk manically,

On the street I’m paranoid,

I look back and in every direction,

There’s nothing to fear,

Nothing behind me,

There’s no one: I’m alone.


I hear voices

Despite my solitary state,

I’m on high,

The voices come from below,

The city leaves me cold,

There’s nobody here for me,

Do I call it home?

It’s a strange little home,

I pay no rent

Yet I’m poor,

I live as I live,

The lives of others are dull,

I feel no envy,

I’m desirous,

I can do without them,

I get along quite fine.


I see photographs,

Endless photographs,

The leaves are turning brown

And many other shades,

I slip and slide,

My shoes don’t grip,

I’m always running

From imagined enemies,

I’m ill from a lack of contact,

Hands reach out to me,

They touch me …. they molest me.


The loss of a confidant,

She’ll be gone one day,

I will have missed years,

That’s a choice I made,

I brought tears to her eyes,

A bad heart’s my death,

I started on the wrong line,

On the wrong page,

I read from back to front,

The young look up to me,

I look elsewhere,

The young don’t inspire me.


He did it another way,

I don’t see him around,

Don’t tell me how to act,

I once pitied a poor soul,

He was right: I was flawed,

Now I see my error,

They’ve destroyed motivation,

This was to be a turning point.


I’m not welcome at their banquet,

They shut me out,

They’ve never seen me,

I once did as they asked,

I felt ashamed,

I don’t share their beliefs,

There’s too much sun,

There’s too much pollution,

I can’t breathe,

I breathe in fumes ….


Read out loud,

Don’t say another word,

Stop right there,

Step to the front,

Stand before us,

Take centre stage,

You’re the hero of the story,

The plot’s dense and complicated

From beginning to end.


I mistook masculinity,

The authorities are after me,

I was once confused,

I ran from town to town,

Androgyny was everywhere,

I turned and kissed her on the lips,

She slapped me. I smiled,

I can go either way,

I can stay or I can leave,

You made me a promise,

You didn’t commit,

I committed suicide:

I saw no other option.


Grandfather …. which one?

He took his secrets to the grave,

I’d never meet him,

He was a bastard child,

I didn’t learn the truth

For years. For years all was quiet,

He paid my way. I saw the past,

I wasn’t erroneous,

I have no regrets.


Named after a weekday,

But it’s the weekend,

I don’t exist today,

Her music’s sad:

I’d never noticed,

Now it’s all I hear,

I hear them say ‘hear, hear’,

I see them acting like children.


He doesn’t represent me,

My interests are wide and varied,

He’s conservative and cold,

His office is malfunctioning,

I drove straight past it,

He waved and smiled gaily,

Now I’m accused of heinous deeds,

I also accuse: they don’t listen,

They know they’re at fault,

They’ll never stand trial,

Buy me a ticket. I’ll be there.


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