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November 19, 2018

If I’d been home

Where all was fine,

I’d have been loved,

I’d have seen love,

She’d have called out.


Daily hellos,

Never adieux

Or farewell meals:

Pasta and wine.

She was faithful,

She broke her heart.



Was the bad news.

I’d have held her –

It was all wrong.


They don’t reply.

I knew her well,

Knew what would come,

Her famous line,

It’s endearing –

I’m dear to her.

They don’t forget,

There’s no escape:

There’s a scapegoat.


There’s no excuse:

I’m impulsive.

I left for her,

She wasn’t mine,

She said two words,

She was ready.


I was elsewhere

With another.

I was a fool,

It was Christmas,

Three years ago.

Now I don’t know –

She’s with child.


I’m still the one,

I always was.

She erred with him,

There was distance


It was tragic,

Her story’s old.


There’s no romance,

She entrapped him.

I’d have been glad

To fall victim,

Fall into holes.


She was married,

It was a joke.

Her fiancé

Was nobody,

She had no one.


They were bad times,

She came in heels,

She wore glasses,

She wore me down.


I’ve no resolve,

She’s related,

Lovely sisters:

There’s only one.



Analyse us,

They mesmerise,

They hypnotise.

I call the nurse,

She comes in whites.


That damned winter,

Horrible towns.

I’m at home here.


To my past self.


Don’t say that term,

I brought smiles.

It took a month,

I’ll get on it:

You won’t change me,

There’s too much care.


I’m culpable,

I’m ropeable.

I’m out of time,

Out of control.


There’s but regret,

A broken heart.

It’s essential:

They pay my way.


Perfect, these eyes,

We were all young,

We spoke oddly,

She’s accented.


You’re on the list,

You’re the last left,

You crave a life,

You don’t give up.


I longed for her,

I long for her,

He’s not the one,

I lie in bed,

She’s beside me.


Wake with a start,

She kicked. She punched.

Let the sun shine,

Let the day break.


Where are the men?

They’re behind beards,

Dressed to impress

In a small room.


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